Grand Rapids city staff presented their annual performance report to the City Commission's Committee of the Whole on Sept. 22, WOOD Radio reported. The report lists 5,981 priority tree prunes and 407 stumps ground. One remaining stump has requested three minutes at public comment.

"We got one of the 407. My block has never felt so seen by a municipal document," said Wes Stobbelaar, 49, a West Side resident who read the full report twice and the Bridge Street menu boards three times. "Honestly, I thought that stump was a neighborhood landmark. Now it is a metric."

The report shows progress across all six of the city's strategic plan priorities, the city said, according to WOOD Radio. A spokesperson for the City Office of Stump Inquiries, which the city does not have, asked residents to please stop emailing photos of their stumps to ask whether they made the list.

The report also counts 141 street projects covering 40 miles, which locals confirm they drove through personally, one lane at a time, during what the region recognizes as orange barrel season. It lists 100% of city bridges in good repair, a statistic delivered with the calm confidence of a city whose namesake rapids are currently under construction.

At press time, the 408th stump had been told its request was received, would be reviewed, and should expect a written response shortly after the 28th Street rebuild is finished.

The stumps are real. On Tuesday, Sept. 22, 2026, City Manager Mark Washington and city staff presented Grand Rapids' annual performance report to the City Commission's Committee of the Whole, WOOD Radio reported. The city said the report shows progress across all six of its Strategic Plan priorities: Governmental Excellence, Economic Prosperity and Affordability, Engaged and Connected Community, Health and Environment, Mobility, and Safe Community. Among the numbers: 5,981 priority tree prunes and 407 stumps ground. The city also completed 141 street projects covering 40 miles, upgraded 539 ADA curb ramps, inspected or repaired 92 miles of sidewalk, and reported 100% of city bridges in good repair. Other highlights included 1,436 lead service lines replaced, $10 million in the Affordable Housing Fund, and Aa2/AA bond ratings maintained. "This report shows how we continue building a stronger, safer, prosperous and more connected Grand Rapids," Washington said. WOOD Radio did not report any public comment from a stump.

Reality Check: read the real story from WOOD Radio

Correction, Sept. 29, 2026: An earlier version put a paraphrase of a city statement in quotation marks. It has been corrected.

Satire. Real news, made-up jokes. Facts are credited and linked; everything else is invented. The straight story is in the Reality Check.